Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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