dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
