He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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