I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think people are normalizing furries
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize