marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
