p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
