remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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