Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
