I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
