the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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