That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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