I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
