I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
