i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
