Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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