just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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