Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
