it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
