my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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