I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize