I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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