Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
