Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize