the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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