I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
