My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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