my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Text me some of your sweat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
