Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
