Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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