watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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