Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
