Can Purell be used as lube?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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