You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
