i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize