Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
