I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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