In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
