Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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