I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
