I heard we made out
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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