Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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