All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
