I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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