It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize