Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
