goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
