i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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