Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
