I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
