Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
