i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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