I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
