Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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