all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
