ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
