I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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