I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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