so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
