i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
