So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
