Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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