Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
be right there i have to get my cape
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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