you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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