I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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