i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
